I truly believe that some of us as we became adults and grew up forgot what it was like to be a child. But the truth of the matter is that we all have child like instincts. When we are sick we want our parents, when were in trouble who do we call (I know my first call is my dad) when were confused we confide in our parents hoping to seek approval one way or another. If it’s not the parents we turn to it’s usually someone we look up to. I call these people “like parents” I have had many of those throughout my life.
Now that I am a mother I try to be that good mom the mom that she will come to when she is ever in need of anything. This is a learning adventure for us both. Lacking the motherly bond with my own birth mother I am fully driven to be the opposite with my daughter. I have always yarned for the bond between a mother and child always looking to fill the whole and gap in my heart. The one person I consider to be my like mom is my grandmother being brought half in her house and half in my mother’s it seemed that I depended on my grandmother for more of the motherly connection.
If I could tell my mother all the pain and suffering she caused I would but to avoid any arguments now I just bury it in my mind. Although she has changed over the years and has become truly a genuine person I still have all this emotion bottled up from things that she has done. YES I learned to forgive her over the years but without her acknowledging her wrong doing and a simple I am sorry I feel that our relationship will never be truly healed.
we have working on mend things between us for the past several months. And so I start to let her in but still I hold one hand up to prevent her from fully coming into my world. I have blamed her for so much that has happened to me that for the past 20 years we have had a hate love relationship. it will take time before both arms are completely open. My cousin says that I should get it off my chest she said it would be like a weight lifted and then and only then could we truly start to heal the relationship and mend the holes and bridge the gaps. but at least we are on the right track to healing what realtionship is left. <3
I say to you mom… please listens to me and see what I was seeing through the eyes of your child the child in me…
Well all I can say to you on this you say "you blame me for all this"...when part of the blame and anger should be also directed at your Father, but you worship him, when I was there for you trying my best to raise and support you while I dragged your father through courts to get support to clothe, feed and keep a roof over your head as well as your 2 brothers. I worked a Full time job, and went to school part time so I was able to get certified to get a 2nd part time job. While your father was too busy out running the streets from hoe to hoe...lets face the truth. He didn't care anything about you kids when you were small. Now that your grown, he grew an interests in you. I have other people that can vouch for a lot of what I went through. So your not the only only one that is hurting or has been hurt. I did all I can to protect you and do I can for you and I get a slap in the face for it and am not appreciated. I am not afraid of saying what I have to say. This is in the "EYES OF A MOTHER"!
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