My life has always been a roller coaster. With a few trusting souls in my life I feel blessed that I have that. I have always been thankful for what I have and what I have received in life. Growing up the way I did had a negative and positive impact on who I am today. For the most part I block out as much as the bad that I can. As much time i spend on blocking things out they somehow haunt me in the memories that I have. With no escape from my past how can I move on in the future. I cannot say that I have ever talked about half of the things I been through with anyone. I have this fear of being judged, rejected, and alone. Maybe vent or getting this off my chest through blogs will help me heal my inner soul, maybe it will help me move on to becoming a complete me a new me a happy me.
Let me begin by just telling a little bit about myself I am thirty years old, a mother of a 6 year old little girl who is my heart. I am currently working on my BA in education but am considering to switching to social worker. I have been taking care of my grandmother for the past year who recently has been getting weak and sicker and just yesterday hospice came in. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years which is falling apart. And I seem to be a pillar to my whole family. I have a hard time saying no to people how ask for help. I guess this is where I feel at time my family takes advantage of me.
I am a typical girl next door I believe myself to be very open minded well round person. I am not one to judge others. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until I am screwed over. I love to do all kinds of things. One of my bad habits are starting things and taking forever to finish them. Time however never seems to be on my side. There is not enough time in a day for me to do everything that needs to be done. Between work, school, a sick grandmother, a daughter who been acting out, family members depending on me, and a relationship of ten years falling apart I find myself starting to feel like I am falling apart. If I fall apart who is left to help pick up the pieces? I have no one to neither support me nor back me up. I have no that takes some of the burdens off my shoulders. I have no one to carry some of the weight so it is easier to move. What is one to do?
