My Grandmother passed away here at home with her loved ones Thursday November 18, 2010 at 1:34 am calling hours were at Riverview funeral home in Troy NY on 11/20/10 from 5-8 pm and she was laid to rest at St. Mary’s cemetery on 11/21/10. She was an amazing person and will be greatly missed. She is now soaring high with all the other angles. My heart aches, my soul hurts the tears seem to flow like a river. The pain is just too real for a part of me misses her like a mother another misses her like a grandmother and in a lot of ways taking care of her for the past years and some months like a child. My emotions are all over the place I am unsure at time what to feel because the feeling feel is like no other. Every room I enter in my house I see her face, my routines for each day are different and I miss her soo. I know and understand she is no longer in any pain in which I am happy that she is not suffering and that she is where she wants to be with her husband and other loved ones that passed on before her. As much as I try to be strong I feel weak. I find myself in a deep depression tiring to hold on and pull myself out with what might I have left. The past few months have been a journey making me reflect back on my own life and where I want to be, who I want to be with, and where I want to go.
evaluating my own life has been a huge struggle. i had to put things in order but before i could do thata i had to hit my rock bottom. recently i have hit my rock bottom which put my life in perspective. since my grandmother passed away, i went through a break up from my ten year relationship. i found myself getting lost in my own depression with no way out and no one i would let in to guide me. to easy my pain and suffering mentally i started to take pills that were forms of opiates, and benzo's whiched put in this mode where i could cope with my daily activites. little did i know i started to come more and more chemically dependant on them.
I was drifiting away from reality and who i use to be and becoming someone i was not. i lost my jobover having mental break downs and being sent home or calling in cause the depression only started to get worse and not better. family and close friends drew a high consern for me and had me go through a detox rehab facility. although i was not a happy camer i knew it was the right place for to start a healing process to what i believed had came close to the end of my life. dealing with withdraws, emotions, and mentally trying pull myself out only became part of a new beging.
i had to sit back and face my demons and my nightmares. i had to face my emotions and feel them to understand them. i had to talk openly to the doctors and counslors that were there to help.
i finally found myself at the beging of my recovery. i know it will be a struggle here and there but i have now a wonderful support system around me which i am greatful to have. without them i might be still going down the same road. everyone need help here and there in within everyones life time comes the evaluation of thier own life where they are going and what they wannted to do for me it was getting back on the right path and that was the path to recovery. with the help from NA meetings and support groups i found a new me.
when i started to get lost was when my grandmother died and my realtionship came to and end. I sometime feel as though she is still near and in some ways I feel her presence around me. I cry myself to sleep now most nights and wake up calling for her they say it will get easier but will it really? All I know is that I loved her more than words can say so if you can hear me now grandma I tell you this “ Its okay now for you to be at peace don’t worry about me like you were before you passed I will be okay I love you with all my heart and always will you will be missed more then you will know and I hold on and cherish every moment we had together. I have you in my heart forever and always and have you in my mind with all the memories we created I love you and someday we will be together again” lots of love your one and only stacy. ronnie if you could hear me now this is what i sayt o you " i love with all my heart and only wish for my family back together. i wish nothing but the best for you and wish you the best. even if you dont choose me. i will always be here as we share a common bond through our daughter. i love you and always have and will always hold a spot for you in my heart" lots of love Stacy
evaluating my own life has been a huge struggle. i had to put things in order but before i could do thata i had to hit my rock bottom. recently i have hit my rock bottom which put my life in perspective. since my grandmother passed away, i went through a break up from my ten year relationship. i found myself getting lost in my own depression with no way out and no one i would let in to guide me. to easy my pain and suffering mentally i started to take pills that were forms of opiates, and benzo's whiched put in this mode where i could cope with my daily activites. little did i know i started to come more and more chemically dependant on them.
I was drifiting away from reality and who i use to be and becoming someone i was not. i lost my jobover having mental break downs and being sent home or calling in cause the depression only started to get worse and not better. family and close friends drew a high consern for me and had me go through a detox rehab facility. although i was not a happy camer i knew it was the right place for to start a healing process to what i believed had came close to the end of my life. dealing with withdraws, emotions, and mentally trying pull myself out only became part of a new beging.
i had to sit back and face my demons and my nightmares. i had to face my emotions and feel them to understand them. i had to talk openly to the doctors and counslors that were there to help.
i finally found myself at the beging of my recovery. i know it will be a struggle here and there but i have now a wonderful support system around me which i am greatful to have. without them i might be still going down the same road. everyone need help here and there in within everyones life time comes the evaluation of thier own life where they are going and what they wannted to do for me it was getting back on the right path and that was the path to recovery. with the help from NA meetings and support groups i found a new me.
when i started to get lost was when my grandmother died and my realtionship came to and end. I sometime feel as though she is still near and in some ways I feel her presence around me. I cry myself to sleep now most nights and wake up calling for her they say it will get easier but will it really? All I know is that I loved her more than words can say so if you can hear me now grandma I tell you this “ Its okay now for you to be at peace don’t worry about me like you were before you passed I will be okay I love you with all my heart and always will you will be missed more then you will know and I hold on and cherish every moment we had together. I have you in my heart forever and always and have you in my mind with all the memories we created I love you and someday we will be together again” lots of love your one and only stacy. ronnie if you could hear me now this is what i sayt o you " i love with all my heart and only wish for my family back together. i wish nothing but the best for you and wish you the best. even if you dont choose me. i will always be here as we share a common bond through our daughter. i love you and always have and will always hold a spot for you in my heart" lots of love Stacy
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